I’m coming up on my fourth cycle since I stopped taking birth control! This is exciting for me, because the further away from that day I get, the more I feel like I’m returning to who I used to be four years ago. Four months out, and I’m starting to notice a pattern in my cycle start dates, length, etc. This time around, I’ve also noticed more symptoms that had me pull out my tracker to confirm that yes, I’m about to start my period.
Just in the past few days, I’ve been super sensitive to things that normally wouldn’t affect me at all. I’ve been taking things personally, almost too often. For example, yesterday I was in a silly mood, joking around in a chat with friends when one of them expressed how horrible her day had been and how she wasn’t in the mood for something the rest of us had commented on. I took it personally, and I remembered how one day a few months ago, I ran into another one of my friends from that chat. I ran into her in passing at the store, waved and said hi, but she looked at me with straight up anger in her face and I just left, clueless about what was going on. Later, I found out she was also just having a bad day. But yesterday I thought back to that incident, and flat out expressed in the chat how I never seem to catch them on good days. It might be partially true, but I took it way more personal than I think I would have last week.
I’ve also been very sensitive to things my husband says or does, and that’s been having me feel like he deserves better than me. I’ve been feeling like I bring nothing to the table, I have no profitable skills, I’m mentally unstable, etc so why should he stay with someone like me? He basically told me I shouldn’t feel that way, but I still do. I blame it largely on my upcoming cycle because everything I’ve been feeling, whether it’s with my husband or with my friends, has been heavily emotional. I do admit that being a borderline and having anxiety could also be making these emotions even stronger.
In addition to my emotional reactions returning around cycle time, I’ve also noticed I eat less prior to cycle time. Is that odd? I find it odd. I haven’t been very hungry in the past few days, and I’ve been craving vegetables more. Maybe it’s my body’s way of gearing up for a period? I’m still taking a B12 complex and Biotin, and my hair has definitely started to recover; it’s not falling out in chunks anymore.
I have acne like I mentioned in my last update, but it hasn’t gotten worse! Just a few along my jawline, a couple on my face but nothing crazy. Because I kickbox, I did notice an increase in acne in my cleavage, but I changed my routine to where after I shower, I put some moisturizing cream in that area (as well as on my face and neck) and it has helped a lot.
I will say that the cramps do bog me down more than they did when I was on the pill. I’m an endometriosis sufferer, and the pill felt like it “got rid” of that problem, but I knew it would eventually return. I just pray that it doesn’t return in the way of cramps so debilitating that I almost faint and can’t move at all. I don’t miss those, that’s for sure.
So that’s my most current update, four months birth control free! I will most definitely keep updating about this journey, as its even interesting for myself to be able to see the progress that my body is making. It’s very reassuring that I made the right decision. ❤