I thrive on structure and routine; once I get used to something happening at the same time every day, or seeing the same person at work every week, I start to relax and let myself get comfortable. I cling to it in the same way, because life wasn’t always so stable. Places would disappear, & people would leave. Things rarely ever stayed the same, so I grew accustomed to holding on for dear life to anything that was a constant for any period of time in my life.
I can tell you that made me a fairly anxious adult. In addition to discovering I have BPD, I had to start learning where the anxiety originated from, and this was part of it. I am at a point now where I can now navigate anticipated change; if my husband’s schedule will have him working a different shift in a week, I prepare my mind so I know to expect to go to bed without him that night, and that it’s going to be okay. If we have plans coming up in a few weeks, I have time to prepare myself for being around other people instead of being in the comfort of our home, in sweatpants and messy hair. Socializing is exhausting for me regardless, so having that time to mentally prepare is crucial to avoid social overload in one single event.
I’m still learning to navigate sudden changes, though. For example, a couple of weeks ago, things suddenly changed at work; in a matter of 2 hours, one supervisor announced their immediate departure from the company, and then our new supervisor was announced shortly after that. It was a lot for me to handle all at once, believe it or not! I had so many questions; why did supervisor A leave? Was it something we did or didn’t do as a team? Where did supervisor B even come from? Will supervisor B fit in well with our already tight knit team? What is going on?
I continued working through all the changes that day. I met with clients, with really no time to process these changes in between appointments. Finally, at the end of the day while I was finishing up documentation, it just hit me that I felt… nothing. But that “nothing” wasn’t really nothing; it was so many feelings jumbled together that I couldn’t put a word on it or even feel the emotions properly so it just felt gray. Numb, even.
It really got me thinking about all the times I’ve felt this way in the past, as an adult. There have been numerous times where suddenly, things had to change for no explanation, and it felt so overwhelming. Sometimes the sudden changes even sent me into a panic attack where I couldn’t breathe and needed to sit down.
I need structure. I need routine. I need things to stay the same.
But this is real life; they won’t always stay the same. So how do you navigate sudden changes in your life when your sanity almost completely relies on consistency?
Honestly, I wish I knew. I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I think for me, starting to take things slower is helping. It’s okay to break down your day so you’re handling things minute by minute. Right now, I’m doing things hour by hour. This way, if something has to shift around in my day or something suddenly happens, I’m not overwhelmed with thoughts of what I have to do tomorrow, or this weekend, or next week. I can focus on today, on the next hour or two. It’s been working, but this is only day 3. 😅
Do you have any tips, tricks, or techniques you use to handle sudden changes in your life?
BPD: A Journey 