An Update

I’ve been so busy this last week. I even forgot to schedule my therapy appointment next week. I’m going every 2 weeks now, instead of weekly, so that’s a good sign I think. The last time I saw the therapist, we discussed my increased anxiety and how it’s been getting worse over the past 6 months or so. I saw my psychiatrist a week after that, and told him the same thing. We’ve since increased the Lexapro, and I finally don’t feel as fearful or as on edge as I had been. I feel like maybe I’m finally at the right dosage for both medications so that I can really focus on the skills I’ve learned and will continue to learn.

I tend to work myself up about driving before I’ve even left the house, or things that could happen when I go to the grocery store, or the safety of my kids at school or on the school bus. My chest is getting tight just typing these things out, honestly. My mind likes to think of every possible thing that could go wrong in every situation, and I’m learning how to tell it to stop doing that.

This unfortunately comes from being raised by someone who thought this same way. Actually, she was worse. I always had to be weary of every stranger on the street. Trust no one. Everyone is probably conjuring up some scheme against you, to hurt you. That’s how I was raised, and it affected how I socialized, or didn’t, in middle school and high school. I was always paranoid everyone was talking about me behind my back. Everywhere I walked, I felt like I was being stared at and judged, when in reality nobody really noticed me.

So now that I’m in a position to change this thinking about myself, I’m definitely willing to try. I’ve got the medications where they’re working just right for me. I’ve got the tools to guide me. I just need to continue practicing and not let my mind run amok anymore.