Validating Your Feelings

At therapy last week, I had yet another big discovery; I tend to knock down my own feelings and opinions of things. For example, if I’m feeling upset about something, I will tell myself, “stop it, you’re being dramatic”. If I’m feeling sad about something, I will tell myself, “it’s stupid of you to feel this way, come on”. It goes on from there, and I was doing it in therapy when my therapist pointed it out.

Stop invalidating your own feelings!

I’ve never noticed myself doing this, so when she brought attention to it, I was surprised. But she was right! I was talking about feeling overwhelmed when taking my kids out to public places, and how stupid it was for me to feel that way. I was putting myself down for having so much anxiety some days, it keeps me from leaving the house. I was putting myself down for working myself up over driving anywhere, even before I ever got in the car.

I’m so used to beating myself up over my own feelings that it’s just habit. Where did that come from? My feelings and reactions were almost never validated as a child, or as a teen. It wasn’t just my mother, though. My peers often felt I was reacting in ways they didn’t like, and of course they didn’t know how to respond other than “man you’re so dramatic” followed by eye rolls and walking away.

I think it’s time we stop doing this to each other in society. Whether you’re a man, woman, child… we all have feelings and those feelings matter.

I’ve made a conscious effort this week to stop beating myself up, and I encourage everyone to try as well. It’s okay to feel mad. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, etc. as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else; it’s okay. I am not any less of a person just because I feel these things, even if I feel them on a level that others do not. I feel that could be said for anyone.